I hate myself for hating what I ought to love - at the point of opportunity. Later on I realize that what I did was that which honored God and I love that I obeyed. Then, I immediately hate the fact that I love my obedience, as if I was the one who "HONORED" God, as if I am high and mighty enough to praise myself for such devotion. Oh me of little love...

When will I touch Your Spirit, Lord?

Self-deprecation...it's a terrible thing...though sometimes I'm not sure because it's easy to overdose on self-"indulgence"....surely it is...You must increase, but I must decrease.

This tension, it's incredible...it pulls as if weights were attached to nails pierced through my skin all over my body...ripping my flesh from my bones...such tension is that between my spirit and my flesh.

My spirit is willing, but my flesh is weak...and so I'm torn....

We're fragile...and so we rip apart...we tear each other apart too...



Sometimes I'm sooooo weak....I can't handle something so petty without emotionally entering a secret tirade on the inside...I'm like a beast...I don't act like the man God made me to be...the man which God believes I should become.

Wonderfully and fearfully made...what does that mean?

Walking by faith?

In Spirit? and in Truth?
In Love?

Villians

Today I recognized, again, how I sometimes play the villain.

In my mind, I dictate the good,
I determine what I like, and all that I should,
Should I come upon that which is unpleasing to me,
I despise it in an instant, and continue on easy.

I'm like Amnon when I Pharisaicly act,
Deserving of death, in sin then retract,
Back into greater sin, where's the end at?

Deliverance by the sword...man's fatal pact.

When I am dejected I will remember the great works of God.
In the middle of the storm, I remember His great compassion.
He saves me when I am beyond redemption.
When I cannot speak, He breathes life into my lungs.
O praise the Lord Jesus. O God of Zion be praised.
In my spirit I cry out loudly. You hear my prayers, for You are merciful.
O Lord, how can I explain the wonders of Your love to people such as myself?
We are unworthy of Your goodness, yet You have made us a holy people unto Yourself.
In You, we are holy and blameless.
Raise us up Lord.
Restore us, O Lord God Almighty!

When I'm in the pit, You lift me out.
When I can't take another step, You carry me along.
When my mind burns out, You fill me with Your thoughts.
When I am afraid, I will trust in the Lord.


O Father, hide me in the shadow of Your wings. Amen.

H, S, M, S

Flourishing because he's famous,
My crimes are heinous,
I'll stop complaining,
Because my God is bigger than life.

Always filled because He's sustaining,
In His passions I am training,
Dragon slaying,
I owe to Him my heart.

Only His love is satisfying,
My spirit's crying,
There's no denying,
I owe to Him my soul.

His Word is beyond comprehension,
I need His intervention
Fill my thoughts with love without convention,
I owe to Him my mind.

With all that I have not given,
I've wasted for that which I've been living,
I must press my body to the next dimension,
I owe to Him my strength.


With all that I am,
With all that I am not,
I desire to serve my Savior,
Cast that sacred lot.

Have me to do that for which You've created me.
May you harvest hundreds more because of this seed.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Romans 15:13

Fits of indecision clutch my leadership position,
Touch me with the golden malice of your proposition.
Readiness is fission, while sloth casts the fusion vision,
Assigned a special mission, intelligence still living


Like the olive tree, cultivated on streams of peace,
The living water's nourishment, the living wind's breeze,
Seasons of good fruit, followed by the pruning,
Set back to be moved ahead, deliverance is looming...