I hate myself for hating what I ought to love - at the point of opportunity. Later on I realize that what I did was that which honored God and I love that I obeyed. Then, I immediately hate the fact that I love my obedience, as if I was the one who "HONORED" God, as if I am high and mighty enough to praise myself for such devotion. Oh me of little love...

When will I touch Your Spirit, Lord?

Self-deprecation...it's a terrible thing...though sometimes I'm not sure because it's easy to overdose on self-"indulgence"....surely it is...You must increase, but I must decrease.

This tension, it's incredible...it pulls as if weights were attached to nails pierced through my skin all over my body...ripping my flesh from my bones...such tension is that between my spirit and my flesh.

My spirit is willing, but my flesh is weak...and so I'm torn....

We're fragile...and so we rip apart...we tear each other apart too...



Sometimes I'm sooooo weak....I can't handle something so petty without emotionally entering a secret tirade on the inside...I'm like a beast...I don't act like the man God made me to be...the man which God believes I should become.

Wonderfully and fearfully made...what does that mean?

Walking by faith?

In Spirit? and in Truth?
In Love?